Two Kids 15 Months Apart
Are we crazy?
I am sure this is something that goes through any experienced Mom's mind when I disclose my children are 15 months apart. One may think because I am an identical twin (yes, you heard me right, I have an IDENTICAL twin) that I always dreamt my children would be close in age. Although secretly hoping my first pregnancy would result in twins, having children 15 months apart was not a calculated scenario. Our initial intention was to have two children should the possibility allow. However, after welcoming our first screaming newborn into the world, I believe many mothers would second guess this decision and feel one may be sufficient. The following is my story on how we discovered we were expecting for the second time, so soon after recovering from our first birthing experience. I open up and share how I overcame feelings of fear, nervousness and anxiousness.
Let's rewind to when we welcomed my son into this world. I didn't have the best postpartum experience. As mentioned, my son came out screaming and didn't stop for... well, I'll keep you posted. I remember contemplating if the nurses hold every child while in the hospital to give parents a break. NOPE, just the inconsolable ones! Welcome, Theo! I had several complications, and recovery was far from easy. From urinary retention to hemorrhaging & retained placenta, to name a few (I'll spare the details), I was physically and mentally exhausted. Trying to heal while caring for a bellowing newborn is something no one can prepare you for. (Sorry, not even my blog will fully prepare you, Mama!) Exhaustion does not even describe how I felt. I was a walking zombie for months and remember googling "how to fall asleep"... I was that desperate.
Once my son turned six months, things progressively improved. I wish I had a magical answer to help other mothers experiencing the exhaustion and overwhelming demands of a newborn. We did sleep coaching, which was part of the solution for us. However, all I can say is that with time it does improve, so HANG IN THERE! You gradually figure out what works for yourself and eventually get back to the cheerful, energetic, determined version you once knew.
There I was, six months postpartum and finally feeling like my usual self. I was working out regularly, staying on top of my daily house chores, seeing girl friends and even squeezing in some date nights (remember this was pre-covid). I was in a groove that seemed foreign only a few weeks prior. Needless to say, things were going great, and I was feeling great! One day it dawned on me that I might be pregnant. As quickly as this thought entered my mind, I rapidly buried the possibility constructing every excuse imaginable. After all, it is common for a woman's' menstrual cycle to be irregular at this stage. As additional weeks passed, the thought gradually crept back. In fear of facing the possibility I may be expecting, I procrastinated until a planned girl’s night left me cornered. That Saturday morning, I did my usual groceries while picking up a few extras for the evening including prosecco and a trustworthy pregnancy test (great combo if you ask me!) At this point, I was still fairly certain it would be negative but figured I should be responsible before indulging in a few momtails.
To calm my nerves and proceed with my day, I immediately decided to take the test. I was utterly convinced it was going to be negative, so much so that when I saw the words " Pregnant-Enceinte" appear on the test, my immediate reaction was "why does not-pregnant appear as Enceinte? What does Enceinte mean? It must mean not-pregnant, right?" Leave it to Google to remind me that French is our second language here in Canada. Enceinte means PREGNANT; this is something I will never forget.
I envisioned telling my husband in a creative fashion as I regretted blabbing the news the first time around. Maybe I would cook a "baby" themed meal (eggpecting benedict with a side of baby carrots sounded appetizing), or perhaps I would have my toddler (because I envisioned my son being a toddler) run out with a big brother t-shirt. The point being, I did not want to word vomit it out, but that is exactly how it went down.
Fear and nervousness quickly crept in as I entered a stage of shock. The emotional and physical experience that comes along with pregnancy is extremely difficult. I knew any day the sickness, tiredness, and unwell feelings I experienced during my first pregnancy could very well return.
Not even a minute passed before I quickly ran down the stairs shouting the news and tossing the positive test towards my husband. There was an abundance of laughter, tears, and silence in my household that day. I remember one moment my husband and I were staring at each other. How were we going to get through this when we just got out of the newborn fog.
It took a few days and a trip to my doctor’s office for the news to sink in. We were having another baby. Two babies in WELL UNDER a year and a half. My emotions were high and I could feel my anxiety creeping back. I did not want these emotions to overpower the joy of welcoming our second child into this world. I needed to implement a game plan and make a conscious effort to suppress all feelings of fear and anxiousness.
First, I understood it was necessary to mentally prepare for a second child. Being mentally prepared was easier to do the second time around as one understands what to expect. You can better prepare for the exhaustion, the inconsolable child and the house chores piling up. I had to make a conscious effort not to let feelings of anxiety take over. I had to tell my mind to suppress all negative emotions. Suppress the fear, suppress the anxiousness. I gave myself no choice but to be strong for my son, for this future baby and most importantly, for myself. That is not to say I did not have my moments. Recognizing these emotions at the beginning was important for me. The mind can do astonishing things; anytime I felt my anxiety creep in, it was as if I thought to myself, "NO!"
Secondly, it is important to be as physically prepared as possible. If we were going to be welcoming another child into this world, I had to get organized and get organized FAST. This meant staying on top of everything; from assembling the nursery, purging unnecessary items, purchasing new items and organizing old ones. (Check out my Nursery Smackdown List for items we required two of and for great nursery tips). In order to be as physically prepared as possible, we ultimately decided to find out the sex. We felt determining this would help us fully prepare as we would be able to organize more sufficiently. Once we found out we were expecting a little girl, we almost immediately began preparing for her arrival. The nursery was planned within a few weeks.
Overall, you can never fully prepare for your family expanding. Becoming mentally and physically prepared did help calm any nerves we had. As scared as I was to go through pregnancy and birth all over again, I would not change a thing. The joy and smiles I see in my children every day make it all worthwhile. I will be honest, the first few months of having two children under a year and a half were incredibly challenging.
If you are a new mom, please know it’s okay not to feel like yourself. Do not let the pressure to do it all overwhelm you, and don't be scared to ask for help. We all need it.
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